当您作为父母就孩子和家人做出选择时，很容易选择目前最舒适和方便的任何东西。但是我的一个朋友曾经给我一个更好的标准来做出这些决定 - 问自己：“我想为家人设定什么模式？”
让我给您一些有关我们如何使用此建议的示例。
您曾经和小孩露营吗？这是麻烦的一半。有包装和包装。小孩无法做很多事情的事实，使这种娱乐形式令人愉悦（不能远足，游泳，诱饵自己的钓鱼钩等）。他们在帐篷里滚动并使已经令人不快的夜晚的睡眠更加不愉快的事实。这次旅行对他们来说是爆炸，但是对爸爸妈妈来说？这比有趣的更多。但是，尽管如此，我们还是试图每年至少去一次露营，即使孩子们年轻，也只是从一开始就设定了这种模式：“麦克凯斯在户外度过时光。”
示例2：我们的两辆汽车之一是一个凹陷的2007年本田元素的嘎嘎声盒，上面有超过12万英里。十年前，当我在法学院上市时，我对这辆车并不疯狂，现在我仍然不喜欢它。我真的很想用一辆漂亮的卡车代替它。但是，我觉得将元素保留为我们家庭的重要象征。它设置了一个模式：“我们不仅仅是为此而替换一些东西；我们使用它，直到它不再起作用为止。”
当然，您设定的模式将取决于您想要在自己的家庭中持有的价值观。
I know folks who took their babies and toddlers on international trips — even though toting along this extra “baggage” naturally created difficulties and made things less fun for Mom and Dad — because right from the start they wanted to set the pattern: “We’re a family that travels.” I know parents who take their kids to church even on vacation, no matter how exotic and luxurious the location, to set the pattern: “Sundays are for worship.” I know those where the whole family, even the young children, have to go for a run before opening Christmas presents, to set the pattern: “Stuff is nice, but the greatest gift is physical health.”
询问自己想为家人设定什么模式，对于帮助您长期专注于长期。一个决定可能是方便的，甚至在此刻似乎是最有意义的，但并不能促进您要设定家人的整体轨迹。
您的孩子第一次在一家餐厅崩溃时，将您的手机递给他似乎很容易，并且是无关紧要的决定。但是，您可能会问“我想在这里设置什么样式？”：“我们使用手机来舒缓不好的感觉和无聊”，或者“我们从不在餐桌上使用电话”？
When your kids are “helping” with chores or “helping” you cook, and doing the tasks slowly and wrongly, and even making more work for you than if you just did the job yourself, it’s easy to feel like stepping in and taking things over. But stop and think not just about the result you want right now, but the result you want a year, five years, ten years down the line. Is it more important to get the chore done quickly, or teach your kid how to be responsible and competent?
我上述的朋友和她的丈夫很早就决定了这一点，而不是让四个孩子在星期六早上看电视，而是不得不读书。While the rule was hard to enforce when the kids were young, they say, now when Mom and Dad wake up, they’re delighted to see all their children sitting and reading on the couch (and they allow themselves to wake up later, as they feel better about sleeping in knowing their kids aren’t zombied out in front of a screen!).
问问自己，您设定哪种决定对单个选择可能有用，但对于家庭选择尤其强大，因为在您家的墙壁内，您正在创造一个微小的，但很真正的文化。具有自己规范和传统的文化。作为一种看不见而有力的力量，这种文化将影响父母的幸福和您的孩子的生活，远远超过了您试图更积极地教书或“讲课”的事物。它改变了试图弄清楚某些决定是否值得的微积分。What may seem like a small, insignificant choice when viewed as an isolated decision, may seem more important and worthwhile — and more motivating to follow through on — when viewed as a stepping stone for things to come, a piece of the scaffolding of your family’s culture, a building block for a pattern-in-progress.
